As Monique Heart says, facts are facts, America. And I have some facts to share.

Fact: Angel hair pasta is superior to spaghetti. Spaghetti is worthless when there is angel hair in the world

Fact: There is no whole wheat angel hair pasta. Therefore whole wheat pasta is worthless.

Fact: Whole wheat pasta is only acceptable in penne or rotini form, when a more bite-y bite is desired.

Fact: Buying the expensive tomatoes is always worth it for Italian food. I’m looking at you, $5 can of pomodoros.

Fact: After doing a quick Google search, I’ve discovered that whole grain angel hair pasta does exist. But they don’t sell it at my Lucky’s, so I steadfastly maintain that on the whole, there is no such thing.

Fact: Linguine is consistently mediocre.

Fact: Fresh basil is too expensive.

Fact: There is no such thing as too big a serving of pasta, even if after gorging on a mound of angel hair pasta you find your stomach bothering you during Tuesday night trivia at the bar.

Fact: It’s possible I’m speaking from experience, but also possible that I do not exist, and am not shouting into a void, but in fact am a void myself (the word ‘myself’ of course having no meaning, as a void is definitionally bereft of a sense of selfhood).

Fact: Frequent pasta eating is essential to a healthy and fulfilling life.

Fun Fact: The bean ball recipe in Veganomicon is magical and delicious even if it does require you to put up with the noise of a food processor for five minutes. Worth it.

Also a Fact: Monet X Change won All Stars 4. Long live the Queen.

M